Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
