Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
