Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
