I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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