omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
