Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
