batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
