Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
