Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
