Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
