"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
