At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
