I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
