insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
