I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
