I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
