If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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