Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
