Yo dont text me then not text me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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