the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
