mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
