his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
