her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
