dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
