she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
