If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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