maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize