how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
