i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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