I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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