we're chasing vodka with high fives
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
