remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
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i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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