what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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