Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
