I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
