I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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