I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
