I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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