dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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