I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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