i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
