Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
