My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
