I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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