if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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