In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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