I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
