Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
