How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
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It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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