found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I look better un-naked...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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