Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
