she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
