hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
