what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
soo... how was my night?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
