god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
