I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
