Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I am morally bankrupt
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
