i think my mom watched the whole time
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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