a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
