I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
