Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
