she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
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I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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