i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
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It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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