Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
