If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
